Mammalia Hug

Don't discriminate. Just hug man.

Bring on the Bear

This is your classic "close face" hug. It is reserved for moments when two dudes haven't seen each other in a while. Nothing creepy about it. To fully understand the male psyche, one has to delve deep into what it means to be a guy. Guys hunt and kill stuff. With guns. Sometimes we strangle animals with our bare hands. Yeah, our bare hands. Sometimes we strangle bears with our bare hands. Which can sound confusing. The point is, I know it may seem primitive and brutish, but that's just the way we are. We are hard-wired to be tough, reckless beings, and sometimes that can translate into other aspects of our lives. In this case, I'm of course talking about friendship. There are times when a normal high-five or double five (a la Top Gun with one five up in the air, and another following quickly and nonchalantly down-low in a windmill motion) just won't cut it. In this case, a male needs to almost strangle the life out of another male just to feel close to him.

Again, there is nothing creepy or abnormal about this. To deny this primal urge is to deny what it means to be a man. Ladies, I hope this is educational for you. It is tantamount to the animalistic, almost bird-like squawking you need to (for a reason unbeknownst to us) make when you haven't seen a girlfriend in awhile. There's our explanation, now where's yours?